21Nov

How to deal with scammers

Yesterday evening Fr. Nicholas, pictured above taking ice-cream with Jemima, kindly shared the fruit of his train journey home. Having received a highly questionable email, pertaining to be from a born again Kuwaiti Christian named “Mrs Como”, who was offering millions of pounds in exchange for access to his bank account, he composed this rather wonderful reply:

Dear Mrs Komo,
 
I too call down blessings upon you from Our Lord and pray that your wish to be dead to this life and alive in Christ may be fulfilled so soon as it please God to take you from us. How glorious it is that your God and mine should send such an aggressive cancer to rid you once and for all from the burden of worldly cares. 
 
I trust that the funds in your late husband’s account were those that were truly his and not the most unfortunate results of bribery or theft. The ancient and honourable name of Komo is seldom seen in Kuwait of those claiming descent from the adherants of the muslim faith but it may be that the citizens of the Ivory Coast having taken your late husband to their hearts were the fortunate and proper recipients of his bank accounts. 
 
Prayer, as you know, is an expensive and time consuming business so let us resolve to turn to it as a preliminary to the important work of helping widows, orphans and the poor with your late husband’s estate.
 
With my very best wishes, et cum grano salis,
 
Fr Nicholas
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2 thoughts on “How to deal with scammers

  1. Brilliant! I particularly enjoyed the ‘et cum grano salis.’

    The first time I received a begging email it shook me especially as it purported to come from my parish priest who it appeared was in Nigeria and had lost his wallet and needed money to pay his (very expensive!) hotel bill and return home.
    The letter was riddled with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors – it was marked RUGENT! – so I knew it could not possibly have come from Fr O.

    Of course a phone call soon revealed that Fr O was not in Nigeria but that he had had his email hacked. Some time later I received another begging email also from a priest with a similar tale. Perhaps these scammers target priests’ emails because they are probably lengthy and they hope that at least one will fall for their tale of woe.

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